It's a personal post today - and it's on the long side - but it's important, and if you're a woman especially, you need to read this.
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We’re all fed the ‘learn to love yourself’ mantra, but if you are a survivor of sexual abuse trauma, like me, or any other trauma for that matter, especially one that happened during your developmental years ( when your neurological patterns are laid down to inform the way you experience and interact with the world ) then this is HARD.


The cultural narrative around a woman’s place in society, mapped out through a societal attitude to her body, compounds this stuff ten fold. As most of your are women I know I don’t need to give you any examples, and if you’re a male, then I’m sure you’ve been party to conversations at times about female bodies that would make us women shiver - even if you haven’t partaken yourself. I’m sure you haven’t.


Too thin, too fat, too booby, too bummy, too chubby, muffin top, mum tum, flat chested etc etc. When you stop to think about it what actually IS perfect?


For a long time I managed the conflicting feelings around my trauma with disordered eating including both bulimia and anorexia - and while I am now recovered from both of those conditions they have morphed into Body Dysmorphia, which despite being a UK size 10, is something that rules most of my waking moments ( much to my poor and patient husbands despair ) …


Ready to wear clothing DOES NOT HELP this situation for me, for the plus size women in my life, for the athletic types, for those with a postnatal diastatis recti, boobage 4 inches lower than it once was due to carrying and feeding their kids (erm guilty m’lord), for the less abled, for those who have lost limbs, use a wheelchair, or have a stoma - these are all differences that have a massive issue on the clothes we choose to wear.


In reality no two of us are the same - check out this image from this article

​All of these women are 11 stone, and yet the differences are various!

My body dysmorphia got so bad at one point that shopping became something I really had to psyche myself to do.


If I needed jeans, going to a store to try them on involved deep breaths, go in, remind myself I’m healthy, I’m happy, there is more to life than my weight, will they do? yes they’ll do? Do I feel good in them? God what does that even feel like? I’m never going to feel good in anything… too many rolls, too much spill over the top - do the pockets make my hips look wider? Argh I feel sick. Hand over the cash and get out of the store as fast as possible. Back to home, and back to baggy jumpers.


Listen up though - because I am about to turn this on its head…


People we have NEVER met, in offices where we have never been, are designing clothes for our bodies ( that they actually know nothing about ) and we are being forced to dance to their tune.


Did you know that sizes in the UK were first standardised in 1951 - when post war we were all smaller, less well nourished and far more active….


…and we still mostly use these data today ( in fact the whole system of sizing is fascinating if you’d like to read more you can here ) but the sizing labels have slipped and slid across the grid - leaving me ( a UK size 14 in old money ) mostly a UK 10, but sometimes an 8 and sometimes a 12.


I HAVE HAD ENOUGH


And I’m pretty sure you have too.


So, what is the solution?


MAKE. YOUR. OWN.


Don’t let someone else tell your body is crap. Don’t let someone else decide that your body isn’t ‘normal’. Who the hell are these people anyway?


Don’t let the Fall ‘21 fashion collections make you feel like a lonely pony because they’re all muted autumnal tones and you absolutely adore acid brights. What are you supposed to do?


I’ll say it again - MAKE. YOUR. OWN.


Ok so now you’re thinking Its all very well and good because I can sew, and you can’t, and it’s obviously far easier said than done.


And then of course there was probably that awful textiles teacher you had at school who made you make a horrific nylon nightie and told you you’d never have a successful garment because you’re stitching was wonky and your seams were puckered. But there we go again - someone else dictating to you what you should be doing - and who the hell is going to ever get excited about a nylon nightie?!


I believe that you are worth more than this. That you have the freedom and power to choose.
This is why Start to Stitch exists, and you’re going to be hearing so much more about it from now on because it underpins absolutely everything I do and I have realised that I rarely share this huge passionate driver that weaves through everything I do to help my students to get to this point.


To find the confidence, and the conviction, and the space and time to do this thing for themselves, to start with the skills and set themselves free from those people we’ve never met, in offices we’ve never been to, designing clothes for bodies that aren’t ours.


And it all starts with some very simple skills.


If you have NEVER sewn, if you can sew a bit but are a bit self taught and a bit unsure, if you are still traumatised by that nylon nightie witch of a teacher you had in the 4th form, NOW IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE.

You won’t get any of that from me - I promise. All you will get is support, encouragement, and a strong belief in you, that you can do it, and that you too can stop thinking about your body as one that has wobbly bits that don’t fit someone else’s template, and feel the freedom to fly in your own creativity and embrace who you really are, what your actual inner style is and create clothes for yourself that you LOVE to wear.

There is SO MUCH in the offing and planning but, you know, life, pandemics etc and I can’t wait to bring the new to you of these new programmes.

But LEARNING TO SEW - on courses like my online programme Back to Basics  is the first step to FASHION FREEDOM.

And nurturing my students to find their wings and fly into their creativity is the absolute life and soul of my business.

I believe that we all have a right to feel good about ourselves - and that includes you my friend.  

I believe in YOU.

Pssst - if you haven't yet booked onto my beginners / refreshers programme Back to Basics - you can get a cheeky £30 off with the code WANNABEFREE - all the course info is here - or you can go straight to booking here.  The next round starts this Thursday 24th June! But you can join up at any time ( you will just miss out on our live zooms - which isn't where the teaching happens, even though they're a lot of fun! )

I have a history of trauma dating back from a very young age, and as a result have battled daily to function - through eating disorders, depression and a level of anxiety that just sits like a fluttering bird trapped under my sternum sucking all of the joy out of life.  It is almost always there - even and often especially, in what are supposed to be the happiest moments.

​The start of the UK Lockdown was immensely triggering for me & I started my Facebook group  Stitch Sewcial because I knew if I, as someone who spent years in and out of therapy and who was pretty good an functioning effectively these days was finding it hard, others who might be on an earlier stage in their journey to healing, if they'd started at all, would be finding it frightening and  overwhelming.

Much of the time, when people have experienced trauma, their brains respond by creating patterns of behaviour that come in to play when there is a perceived threat. On a very basic level, this is what anxiety is, your body keeping you in high alert to future threats because of the pain it has experienced from past ones. You can see now how the Pandemic, for someone who had experienced this was a major flashing beacon because for the first time in our memory the threat was REAL.

So, Stitch Sewcial was born, in a hurry without my usual prior planning and over thinking, actually on the same day Cornwall Scrubs was born too (it turned out to be a busy month LOL) and I wanted the group to be an uplifting and joyful space where sewists of all skill levels, gender and genre could come together, share their work, ask questions and cheer each other on.  It's important isn't it?  To have someone tell you that something is good and you did well, especially as you're learning... I can't imagine a kid going to school with no one ever telling them that they're getting something right.  It's part of growth mindset - and it's vital to success in life, I feel.

Not many of us live in houses with other people who sew - and our partners and kids are wonderful I am sure, but peer support is a very different kind of support!
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When the GBSB left us, I decided to carry on the momentum with a monthly sewing challenge called Get Set Sew which keeps everyone on their feet and helps push boundaries and learn and develop new skills (though participation is entirely optional of course)

​In my face to face classes the focus is on community and togetherness, jelly babies feature heavily (I'll do a blog post about the jelly babies factor on a later date) to lift it from class-room to community, we sit in a circle, and the group is never more than 6 so that everyone feels they can chip in and chat during the down times.  In the early stages of new motherhood, when I first started teaching, these classes were for me a glimpse of something normal and not baby related, and over time, with students booking back on to other classes, they have become as much about seeing friends and making new ones as they are about the all important income stream.

Covid could have killed my business, and all my face to face teaching has stopped, but thanks to my amazing husband who has more faith in me than I've ever had in myself (work in progress, it's getting better!) and who also happens to be a professional photographer and film-maker (you can find his beautiful film The Yukon Assignment on Amazon Prime) I managed to pivot.  He quite literally got his camera out - told me put some mascara on and we filmed the who beginners and intermediate courses during the toddlers nap time in the lockdown period.  Imposter syndrome and perfectionism would have stopped that happening had we not been in that unique set of circumstances, and I am forever grateful because it has shown me that I have the potential to grow a digital community alongside a face to face one, reach more people, and have a greater impact.

My first beginners class which I'm beta - testing this month has just sold out with 10 days left until we start, and the buzz and vibe in Stitch Sewcial is super lovely.  I came over all soppy yesterday and went live to say thank you to them.  What a team of gorgeous people.

The next pandemic that is going to grip us when Covid is water under the bridge will be our collective mental health : PTSD, stress, anxiety, jobs lost, domestic abuse survivors living with the legacy of a three month lockdown, grief at losing loved ones either from Covid, or from something totally unrelated. Mummies who have given had to navigate pregnancies and births with their partners banned from sharing the journey with them. The list goes on and on and on. Massive life rituals affected by restrictions on our liberty. Funerals being interrupted because a son wants to sit next to his grieving widowed mother to hold her hand and comfort her from Less than a 2m distance.

Trauma is real. It doesn’t have to be war zones or horrendous car accidents. It doesn’t have to be violent and dramatic and cinematic. On a very basic level Trauma occurs when our bodies nervous system is overwhelmed into a fight flight or freeze response, and is flooded with stress hormones.

You can experience all of the drama but if your nervous system is not soothed straight away back into calm, long term damage can occur. If someone gives you a hug, provides you with support and care, if you feel listened to and supported and held and if you are able to understand how to calm yourself and process, then something relatively traumatic for one person can have no long lasting effects in another. This is the basis of Polyvagal Theory ( look it up, it’s flipping changed my LIFE )

No, we haven’t been in a war zone this year. But we have experienced collective trauma, some people soothed and soothing, and others alone and still in a heightened stress response.

I personally have had a year like I’d never have been able to imagine and it has literally brought me to my knees triggering things in me I thought I had long since dealt with.

​I’ve found a new groove now, checked back into therapy and started to do the work again. I have no shame in sharing that, I want to live my best life, and there is still work to do. Life is short and after a HUGE and very painful life lesson this year in putting others above everything else I am using my impending 40th birthday to pull up the draw bridge and work on getting it right before it’s too late. You never know what is around the corner.  I have sewn, boy have I sewn, garments and garments and garments, and it has kept me afloat, but there is no shame in admitting that you need some extra assistance, and asking for it when you do.

So, Be kind, talk to each other about everything. Take the time to listen, put a hand up if you have something that needs saying. The more I talk to people the more I realise we all have a story to share that others can learn from.

You are an incredible human being, you deserve to be ok, to feel safe, to be heard, to share your stories. There are so many places to get help if you need them but I would personally recommend these things (apart from sewing obviously):

Polyvagal theory : look up Irene Lyon and Steven Porges on YouTube - GAME CHANGING
Trauma and the body : read ‘the body keeps the score’
Obviously in Cornwall there’s outlook southwest though CBT didn’t even scrape the surface of my issues it’s hugely helpful for many.

Hypnotherapy totally works and got me through a very traumatic medical procedure without having a nervous implosion - Body and Mind Hypnotherapy

If you have experienced any kind of domestic violence the Women’s Centre in Cornwall offers an incredible programme called Pattern Changing. I think you can self refer. If you aren't where I am most Women's Centre's will offer a version of it.

EFT (EMotional Freedom Technique) is a practical and useful thing to do when you’re triggered into a stress response. There are many qualified folks about.

And talk. Share it. When you offer your story into the universe and you look for an answer, it comes. It really does. I’m living proof of this.

My door is always open, you don’t have to deal with this stuff alone.

And if you fancy taking up a new hobby or meeting others for some sewing fun - join in with the lovely members at Stitch Sewcial, it would be so lovely to have you there xx ​